Since the new moon there’s been a certain remembering, a Pandemic-feel to life unfolding. I’ve been struggling to put my figure on it. Tuesday was a difficult day for many. The week has petered on.
Last night it came to me. Control.
We’re being asked to look at our patterns of control.
The pandemic really asked us to look at this. To see beyond the illusion - we are not in control despite our many efforts to try to be.
Along comes a storm and here on Guernsey the schools are closed, shops not opening until the afternoon . We are reminded again, we are not on control.
In many ways the pandemic prepared us well. We’re adaptable, we can work online, we can even come together as a Beinspired community and practice yoga online too as many of us did this morning.
but what concerns me is that we lose something in this process. Not only are we increasingly fearful, of nature now and winds, storms, but of making our own informed choices that haven’t been decided for us by others.
We are frowned upon if we go against the advice given, if we leave our house, honour our own intuition.
We are not in control. I am being reminded too. My practice has been taking me to the place where I hold on through fear, in the centre of my belly, and in my thighs too, and I have been trying to let go - after all, what does the holding on prove, or do, but keep me stuck in more of the same, of forgetting that i cannot control the unfolding of life moment to moment.
The waxing moon has been shining a light into the shadows, to understand what is at the root, that holds tight, around whcih I have threaded many stories that are sometimes unhelpful in my life.
I see more clearly the patterns, underlaid with fear, from times gone past and the manner in which my mind grips on for dear life.
Dear mind, you can let go now. There is nothing to control.
Life is richer than we can ever know.
Yet so often we are looking in the wrong direction, focus on what is missing, rather than what is already there, budding and blossoming.
It is easy - I see - to overlook love, in the face of fear. To set our sights with such rigidity that we don’t allow the gentle unfolding of heart, of spirit, moment to moment, without letting the mind run away with its imaginings and catastrophising, it’s desires and aversions.
It is so difficult sometimes just to be amongst the thick of it and laugh at the absurdity of attempts to control through all the - unnecessary - doing.
I am reminded of a quote from Lao Tzu, “the way to do is to be”.
In Taoist philosophy, this phrase reflects the concept of Wu Wei (effortless action or action through non-action), suggesting that true doing arises naturally from a state of being rather than forced effort.
I have put a lot of effort into life thus far my lifetime. This I recognise. This is a conditioning. My Dad used to tell me, “life is hard”, and I took that as a truth and made it so.
It is hard. But it doesn’t have ton be as hard as we - I - might make it. Age is showing me this. The moon has highlighted it.
I’ve never been ‘good’ at resting but I am leaning into this as a practice. of being, not doing and seeing where this takes me - the practice, Vanda, Louise, they certainly encourage it.
I have a feeling many of you are navigating this too - so here’s to resting and being as the winds of change, and the waxing moon work their magic in our lives again - and the rainbows, I am grateful for those too.
Love Emma x
