Basic goodness, compassion and community

That was quite some moon. I thought I had it all figured out and then it caught me on the wane, reminding me that it takes time sometimes, to see into the shadows and understand the lessons. 

This was a moon which brought up deep rooted fears and insecurities so that we could see them more clearly and allow them release as we prepare for the eclipse season ahead, getting all our ducks lined up so to speak. 

A very old pattern around fear of confrontation, criticism and rejection came up for me, and nestled in amongst that was a strand of self-worth, because that always seems to weave itself in somehow!

I’d also been enquiring into the concept of community last week too; with so many election manifestos here in Guernsey mentioning community, and compassionate community too, it was making me curious.

While I was sad that we were not able to make it to Sark for the retreat, I have learned this year that we have no choice but to go with the flow of things and that when matters beyond our control take over, then we are best to surrender to them; be neither attached nor averse.

I hadn’t considered that others might not be so easy going, and while I’m sure it was never intended, old feelings around fear of criticism and fear of confrontation were triggered, resulting in an overwhelming feeling of vulnerability and helplessness for the state of humanity. 

My inner child was calling out for some love and attention and I took myself to bed in tears, weary with the weight of the sadness of the way in which this world is sometimes lived, this ‘me’ culture that is so in contrast to the message we keep hearing about ‘community’. But of course it is all a perception, whichever side of the fence we sit.

What became clear to me today as I continued to settle into the discomfort of what I was feeling, my neck still aching with vulnerability and my stomach churning as I tried to digest all these feelings, I recognised that we don’t reject others necessarily, we reject the moment/experience and we look towards others to blame, because there is often a conditioned need to blame someone, rather than just accepting things as they are come what may and taking responsibility. 

A good friend shared with me how she has had to cancel a yoga trip due to the continued quarantine requirements on Guernsey, and when she asked for a refund she was told that giving refunds would put the small independent company out of business, so she took a voucher instead. I couldn’t help thinking that not only was this an act of compassion but also an act of true community.

For me community is about coming together and supporting each other where we can for the common good of all, especially now as lives are adversely affected by the response to Covid-19, and the manner in which this continues to challenge on all levels, monetary, mental and otherwise! But I did wonder last night how many people truly live as if in a community, and how many struggle to see beyond their own needs.

I was heartened then today to visit the Renoir Exhibition, quite by chance - a positive one, one might say - because if I had have been on Sark I would have missed it! Here was a fantastic example of true community and I applaud David Ummels and Art for Guernsey for all their hard work in bringing this idea into reality.

It got me thinking whether community is something that we can create, or whether it is inherent within us, like compassion. I hear people talk of compassionate community and I like very much the idea of this, but I wonder in reality whether it is something that can be created through political manifesto or whether it is something that comes to be by the meeting of compassionate people – who already have compassion within them.

Compassion is having a sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others, and it is compassion that motivates people to go out of their way to help the physical, mental, spiritual and/or emotional pains of others and themselves. It is my experience and understanding that compassion is cultivated; the more we are able to open to our vulnerability and our suffering, the more we are able to open to the vulnerability and suffering of others.

 The trouble in our society is that we are so scared to reveal our vulnerability that we will do all we can to hide it and deny it and escape from it. We protect ourselves in innumerable ways; hardening our hearts, pumping our bodies, numbing out, disconnecting from our reality, controlling others, playing out the ball busting business woman, bullying others, using sarcasm, ignoring others or looking down on them, shaming others and on the list goes.

 It is only in allowing our vulnerability that we experience greater compassion, not least for ourselves but for others too. It is in this way that we grow as conscious human beings and help our community to thrive, simply because we can’t help but get involved. I know I get boring saying it, but it has to start with us, we need to cultivate compassion within ourselves by embracing our vulnerability, not turning away from it, and we have to support others when they find the courage to embrace their vulnerability too.

 I was reminded of this quote from Chogyam Trungpa Ringpoche in his book, From Shambhala: The Sacred Path of the Warrior:

“If we are willing to take an unbiased look, we will find that, in spite of all our problems and confusion, all our emotional and psychological ups and downs, there is something basically good about our existence as human beings. Unless we can discover that ground of goodness in our own lives, we cannot hope to improve the lives of others. If we are simply miserable and wretched beings, how can we possibly imagine, let alone realize, an enlightened society?”

Yesterday I experienced a temporary loss of faith, when I questioned the basic goodness of our existence as human beings. It was this, ultimately, that underlay my feeling of vulnerability that arose as a response to fear of criticism and rejection, which is underlaid essentially by a loss of feeling safe in this world. Watching Social Dilemma earlier this week has not helped. Is this a safe world?

Goodness is a basic human virtue and while we may lose sight of this at times, when we are triggered and scared and confused, goodness is all around us, if only we can acknowledge it. I take great comfort in this and in the many wonderful earth angels, the good people, the compassionate, part of my community, who appeared in my life today as if to prove this.  Thank you.