Choosing life

Another stunning sunrise here on Guernsey. Since the Glastonbury retreat I have become increasingly attuned to the sun rise and set, and the moon too, how these weave magic into our life, the perfect divine order of the cosmos.

Partly this is the result of my journey with grief, as I have embarked on a deep heal, that has seen my write voraciously these last few months to process so much of what has happened previously, that was triggered by the death of Em and other deaths since then.

But there is only so long that we can live with a wounded heart and I have dug deep into practice, to Ayurveda, to Reiki and to Gaia for the healing that has been needed. I have re-discovered a part of myself that has been tamed for too long, a wild heart that longs to nestle deeper into life, beyond the fear of the mind.

I could tell you a lot about grief, about the way it grasps hold of us, shakes our very foundations, and leaves us with a choice - to harden, or to open, but you may know this for yourself.

I have chosen to open. To open and let go, over and over again, of thinking I know the way. There is a deeper part though that does, that is beyond rationality and logic, beyond thinking and planning and organising. Sometimes we have to feel the pain to set ourselves free, to break the case of our limited understanding and allow something else to emerge instead.

I have no doubt that my age, and the hormonal changes that are flowing through me has added to this need to live a more untamed life. It interests me that birth was medicalised and now the peri-menopause too, as if we cannot live survive, without drugs and medical expertise.

These times, the one from maiden to mother and mother to crone (or I might sneak in there enchantress first!) are hugely empowering if we let go of the stories we have been told, including the ones we tell ourselves. If we can keep digging into our conditioning and programming and recognising what is truth and what is our fabrication of it based on what has happened previously in this and previous life times.

Change is hard. Death is one of the greatest changes, as we tradition from body to the essence nature we are already in life, but free of our physicality - Em showed me this. And death can create such change for those of us left behind because of the gaping hole, the love that has nowhere now to go, until we find a way to re-direct it for the greater cause - part of the energy matrix, the unity in the cosmos.

These great transitions are rich in truth, the truth of who we are, beyond the expectations of others, society, culture, religion, if only we let go of caring what others think and our own insecurity and lack of connection with self, and recognise increasingly our place in all things - we are not in control.

It is death which challenges our sense of control. Our society likes to make it out that all is stable and secure, but the only stability and security we have is our relationship with the Earth, with Gaia herself. The rest is just more illusion.

One of my clients who is an astrologer sent me this link of the changes we are experiencing as Uranus moves into Gemini. I’ll let you read it here. It seems though that the illusion, the distraction is going to increase, and for those of us treading a spiritual path, there is perhans a need for greater discipline and discernment, detachment too.

I am feeling increasingly drawn to nestle closer to what is real; the song of the birds, the whisper of the trees, the stability of the stones and the holding and love of Gaia. The cosmos is based on this - it is us humans that feed the fear.

We had a fire last night in the stone circle on the land my parents guard, quite coincidentally on the dark moon, as we let go of what needed to now go. I let go of those I love, will always love, who are no longer Earth side, and choose life instead. It was a beautiful gathering of like minded souls, as the sun slowly set.

There will be more fires these coming months, the stone circle is asking for it, and trips into the wilds of our own heart in the process. If you’re reading this and curious, look out on the website, for the offerings in the works. I work best with those curious…

Happy new moon and then new beginnings this gifts.

Love Emma x