Our insecurity is being triggered

It’s true, insecurity is in the air, especially our own insecurity being triggered by cosmic forces to stop us getting in our own way by caring about what others think.

One thing I have learned these last few years is you can spend your whole life trying to ensure that people like you, but despite all your efforts they might well still decide to not like you, for no other reason than the way you look, or the energy you give off, or just because you’re happy and they’re not.

This is why people pleasing is such a huge waste of energy.

Yet people literally spend a life time doing it.

I know, because I used to do this too, always trying to placate people, bending over backwards, giving too much, not saying what I wanted, making myself small, putting up with situations that made me feel exhausted, or uncomfortable, making myself wrong and them right - basically caring too much what they thought of me.

It came up recently, triggered by a couple of different situations, of being made aware that people don’t like me, for one reason or another, and it brought up a momentary anxiety, which was uncomfortable, an old feeling which would have me held in its grips for days at a time, bringing with it an anger and sadness because of feeling misjudged.

But this is all it is, a judgement, someone else’s opinion based on something they think I did or didn’t do, that had repercussions for them, because of their own stuff, but always easier to blame someone else, or maybe it’s because of the way I looked at them, or my energy, or my edginess, or my love of solitude and dislike of small talk, the list is endless of potential reasons that people decide me, we are not OK.

I sat with the feeling, as shadow work encourages, felt into it, didn’t try to run from it or numb from it, or ruminate for hours on end, or make myself a bad person, or rush to take responsibility, or be self-critical turning it back on myself, or wonder what I could have done differently, as I might have done in the past. No, I kept sitting with it and talked to a couple of trusted friends, always interested to understand more of the complexity of our minds and find a different way to be that doesn’t trap us in old patterns, especially negative ones.

I realised of course that it’s their stuff not mine. And you can be sure that anyone judging us is judging themselves more, trying to ease their own feelings of insecurity or injustice or whatever it may be. It is not an easy world and none of us are saints, we are all, to some extent, prisoners of our own mind and I have compassion for that.

To be truthful I don’t know how people cope without a spiritual practice, without a sense of connection to nature and the true nature of themselves. I am eternally grateful to yoga and Reiki, these practices, for helping us to stand witness to more of our mind’s workings so that we can increasingly set ourselves free by observing what is arising and being OK with it, of increasingly accepting ourselves and reality as it is, of living increasingly from the heart and not fear, of encouraging our wholeness even if that makes others desperately uncomfortable and edgy, unable to box us and causing them then to judge us.

People don’t like me, so what!

People probably don’t like you either, but so what!

At the end of the day, if we live our life increasingly authentically then we will be judged because we are living life according to our truth, not society’s expectations and this is uncomfortable for others, because it challenges their conditioning and people don’t want to be challenged, so they make us wrong and label us edgy, weird, hippies, arrogant, aloof, alternatives, conspiracy theorists, the list goes on…

And really, what is the point in squandering copious amounts of energy caring about this or trying to prove your worth to them, or that you’re OK, because really that is what it comes down to - worth.

If we are are comfortable with who we are, if we recognise our own worth and don’t need this validated by others, then actually, there is no reason to care what other people think of us and the grudges they hold because of something they haven’t been able to own and make peace with, forgive and move on.

This too seems such a waste of energy - to hold onto grudges especially from childhood. At some point we just have to let it go, move on, because if we don’t, well a part of us is stuck in victimhood, back in the past, and not only does this prevent us fully opening our heart, but it might well make us bitter and sick in the long run.

And at the end of the day, opinions are just thoughts and thoughts come and go and there is always a bias and a huge amount of projection that goes on in this world, especially when we challenge the status quo.

So if you have been triggered by these cosmic forces bringing you up against your insecurity around how you are perceived and judged by others, then just pause. Take breath. Watch your mind, where does it go, what’s its story, why does it care? There will be a reason, but it is not one you now need to perpetuate. It’s just a story that the mind has created. So catch yourself. Catch the story, And change it,. And in the process just “let it goooooooo” (as my boys sing at me).

Honestly it’s liberating.

Let them have their opinions, their grudges, their judgements, but don’t take it on. Send love sure, but let it go, stop caring and move on.

Instead come into your heart and fill it with light. It is this actually that other's don’t like. So fill it up as much as you can, for your light is what is needed on this planet, not your feeling bad about yourself, this serves no one.

So don’t let others take your light. Keep coming deeper into your own heart and let this be filled with light.

Love Emma x