Tips for navigating IVF
We have to be careful what we wish for – I had wished for a conscious conception and this is what I got. Not at all as I had expected, no rose petals and candles, instead the clinical environment of Wessex Fertility, an IVF Clinic in Southampton.
We were the lucky ones, conceiving on our first and third attempts, experiencing only one failed round. I wrote a book called Dancing with the Moon about my experience to help other women navigate this tricky time in their lives, and I highly recommend reading this if you are going through IVF. I have also recorded a series of yoga videos to help support the journey too. I share with you my tips:
Avoid self-pity: The best piece of advice anyone ever gave me (and this lady had herself been through IVF) was to avoid self-pity. If you have to go down the IVF route then it is absolutely essential to avoid self-pity as this will not help! You are not the only one going through this and you will not be the last. Notice self-pity and try and let it go.
Stay positive: Do whatever you can to stay absolutely positive about the process and about a positive result. Buying into negativity will absolutely not help and will cause your spirit to flag and your mind to suffer. There is no reason to believe that IVF won’t work. You have to trust in the process and in the medical profession who are offering you a potential way of realising your dreams of conceiving. Keep the faith high.
Intimacy: Keep it intimate, the less people who know, the better. You can lose energy discussing it with others, running the risk of it becoming a drama or a source of gossip for them, and while people try to be positive, there are many who will pity you - you can’t help but be negatively affected by that. It’s an intimate moment conceiving new life, and while you might not be conceiving in the natural way, there’s no reason it shouldn’t be treated as intimate as conception through sexual intercourse might be. It’s your journey no one else’s and it might be the very journey, which brings precious new life into the world.
Yoga: As a yoga teacher perhaps it won’t surprise you that I dug super deep into my practice. There were times when I needed to be gentle and quiet and restorative yoga was ideal and other times when I needed to move active and keep the energy high. I already have a daily practice, but I would often take to my mat a little more than usual when we were going through IVF. I’ve since recorded a series of free videos to help women who are navigating IVF, and there are general fertility-enhancing videos too, all available on my website.
A healthy diet: It goes without saying really but lots of fresh fruits and vegetables (seasonal and organic where you can), wholegrains and protein can be really supportive to the IVF process. Drink lots of fresh water too. Limit the caffeine and alcohol, everything in moderation – I drink a cup or two of tea each morning and the odd glass of wine in the evening and I didn’t stop either during IVF.
Reiki: I‘m a Reiki practitioner and teacher and I gave myself a lot of Reiki during IVF. I also went for treatments with other Reiki practitioners. Reiki really helps to release energetic blocks and can enhance fertility. It is also deeply healing, relaxing and calming. I’m biased I know but I can’t recommend it enough; it compliments IVF superbly as it also helps you to become aware of blocks in your physical, emotional, mental and/or spiritual bodies which might be preventing conception.
Meditation: IVF really helped me to commit to a daily meditation practice. Just 5-10 minutes a day can make such a difference. I would sit and watch my breath, but you could follow a guided meditation (there are free ones on my website). Not only did it strengthen my mind but it helped me to maintain a positive outlook and stay focused on the positive end result, namely conceiving a healthy baby. I absolutely encourage this, you’ll notice an unsettled and agitated mind and this should give you the opportunity to do something about it – much trickier to find the time when you already have a child/children however so just do what you can!
Ayurveda: Ayurveda is the science of life. I have been seeing an Ayurvedic doctor, Dr Deepika since 2006 and as luck would have it she is a fertility expert and has helped countless women conceive. Ayurveda is holistic and works on all levels of being, physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. I took Ayurvedic medicine, which I called ‘magic herbs’, which supported IVF. Based at Purley Oaks near Gatwick, Dr Deepika offers online appointments. You can find out more here at http://www.theayurvedicclinic.com
Yoga Nidra: Yoga nidra is extremely supportive of the IVF process. Known as the sleepless sleep, yoga nidra is a powerful meditation technique that induces complete mental, physical and emotional relaxation, encouraging healing and transformation in a positive direction. During yoga nidra you have the opportunity to form a sankalpa, a resolution or intention for the practice. A sankalpa is a short positive mental statement said in the present tense as if it had already happened. I used the sankalpa, “I am pregnant with a healthy baby”. The ancient concept of sankalpa is based on the principle that your mind has measureless capacity to effect the quality and content of your life. As the Buddha said, “The mind is everything. What you think you become”. So start practicing yoga nidra regularly, a couple of times a week if you can, not only to consciously rest but to plant the seed of your sankalpa deep within. A seed planted through yoga nidra will grow in your life. There are many free yoga nidras on my website including one of menstrual health and healing.
The ancient concept of Sankalpa is based on the principle that your mind has measureless capacity to effect the quality and content of your life.
Rest: I’ve never been very good at this but I made a real effort when I was going through IVF and I found it helpful! Growing healthy eggs is the first consideration and the body needs lots of energy to do this. So try and rest when you can, yoga nidra, holistic therapies, relaxing lavender infused soaks in the bath and early nights!
Acupuncture: I received lots of acupuncture in preparation for egg retrieval. Whether this helped me to produce the number of quality eggs that were produced on that first cycle I will never know, but it certainly helped to keep my energy high.
Holistic therapies generally: As a holistic therapist, I love holistic therapies and I was fortunate that I was able to swap yoga for therapies with my holistic friends. I indulged in a number of holistic therapies during my various IVF cycles including Bowen, reflexology, Ki massage and holistic massage. We have a wealth of holistic practitioners on Guernsey.
Drop the energy vampires: We’ve all got them, people in our life who suck the energy out of us what with their regular dramas and demands on us. We don’t need them, and they don’t really need us, only that we’re stuck in this unhelpful and unhealthy dynamic. While it takes some adjustment, it is essential that all your energy goes to you, not to those who take it away from you. You know the people I mean and you’re probably feeling a little uncomfortable at the thought of how you are going to extricate yourself from your relationship with them, but you can. Let them go and perhaps you’ll be doing them a favour in the long run. Nature abhors a vacuum after all.
Activities which exhaust your energy: Identify areas of your life where you are losing energy. Facebook was always the major one for me, it draws you in and before you know it you’ve lost hours of your life. Not only that but for me it didn’t appear to serve the higher purpose, so I chose to come off it.
Online forums: it’s just my opinion, but I avoided online IVF forums as I felt they fed victimhood and were full of insecure energy. It’s absolutely essential that you stay in your power, and do not allow yourself to feel disempowered by other women’s experience. You can do it!
Bach Rescue Remedy: If it starts getting a little stressful and you’re feeling a little emotional and out of balance then take some Bach Rescue Remedy, which is a wonderfully natural way to help calm you down. The system of plant and flower-based essences was developed in the 1930s by Dr Edward Bach, a physician and homeopath who was convinced that emotional wellbeing was key to good health and this remedy is really supportive of the IVF process.
The moon: I love the moon, she is recognised by many as the Goddess of Fertility. So go and embrace her energy. When the moon is full, get outside and bathe in her rays and pray to her and ask her to bestow you with a child and remove the obstacles in your way. Remember to give thanks, especially when you achieve your outcome!
Fertility bracelet: I love fertility bracelets! These are exactly what they say – bracelets incorporating crystals, which are known to promote fertility and reduce stress such as moonstone, rose quartz and fresh water pearls. Athene Sholl (www.athenesholl.com) and Yolande Ifold (you can find her on Facebook) make fertility bracelets and infuse them with love and Reiki. Wearing one of these bracelets will not only help to calm your energy but will make it very clear to the universe that you are committed in your quest to conceive!
Zita West: Invest in a copy of Zita West’s book Fertility and Conception. I found this book really helpful. She also has an IVF clinic, which is more holistic than most, have a look on the internet if you are interested in this.
Sculpture of whatever it is you are trying to create: Visualisation can be extremely helpful when it comes to manifesting dreams. I did all I could to keep my vision clear and found it really helpful to place a sculpture of a man and women with babe in arms in my yoga space so that I could look at it daily and stay focused on a positive outcome.
Vision board: The jury’s out on vision boards and I don’t use them now, but at the time I found it really helpful making a vision board, cutting out pictures from magazines of what I was trying to create in my life, namely a baby! I made sure there was an image of me on the board too! I didn’t look at the vision board daily, you’re best to make one and then pop it away and let it work its magic in your life.
Angels: I love angels! I’d encourage you to invite them into your life too. Ask them for help in conceiving and they will point you in the direction of people, therapies, books or whatever it may be that will help support you on your journey. They’ll leave you feathers so you know they are with you and you’ll start noticing more robins too (these are angels in disguise). You may see an owl if you’re lucky too!
The Stork Club: If you need reminding that you are not alone, other than reading my book, read Imogen Edward-Jones’ The Stork Club, it’s a funny and helpful read.
She Oak: Often an inability to conceive can be due to emotional issues, emotions that you haven’t yet processed and are holding on to in one form or another, perhaps something is eating away at you, or you haven’t made peace with childhood trauma. To help with this take She Oak tincture, a Australian Bush remedy, which encourages the individual to be emotionally open to and be receptive to conception. It also helps with balancing hormones. You can order this from Amazon.
Have fun: Don’t forget to have some fun! Life can become a treadmill of dates and times for injections and pills and blood tests and scans, so it is all too easy for life to become very glum. Make sure you allow some time to have fun, even if that’s just going for swim in the sea or getting out walking in nature, laughing at a comedy, or going for a meal with friends. Keep the energy high!
Pray: Now I’m not religious, not in the slightest, but I prayed every single day during my quest to conceive and I continue to do so now. Prayer changed my life, because it gave me strength. Try it. Direct your focus to that which you want to bring into your life and ask for guidance, give thanks and listen, absolutely listen to what comes back – there’ll be a message somewhere for you. I truly believe our prayers are always answered but NOT always in the way we imagine. You have to surrender a little to the process you are guided through. Notice your resistance to prayer because that can be telling too (more on this next).
Resistance: This is HUGE! It’s so important that you weed out any resistance you have to the IVF process, and any unconscious resistance you may have to becoming a mum and making your dream come true. It is important to identify what we call ‘vikalpas’ in the Vedic tradition. These are your unconscious sankalpas (intentions or resolutions, see above), but ones that move you in countless directions away from the destiny your soul is here to lead you to. The unconscious mind is significantly more powerful than the conscious mind. You need to do what you can to recognise and become aware of your unconscious patterns and how they are sabotaging your conscious desires and to increase the intensity of your conscious desires. If you find that your actions are contrary to, or less than supportive of your goal and intention to conceive and give birth to a healthy baby, then there will be a vikalpa, an internal resistance at work here. We have lots of unconscious patterns that create obstacles for us in our lives. unconscious resistance at work here. Perhaps – unconsciously - you don’t think you’re worthy of having a baby, perhaps you’re not sure you can cope with a baby, perhaps you’re worried about the effects of pregnancy on your body, perhaps you’re holding on to resentment from the past, from your own childhood etc., perhaps you’re worried you won’t make a good mother, perhaps you have a habit of sabotaging the good things in your life. So perhaps you need to identify your resistance and if necessary forgive and move on.
You can order my book Dancing with the Moon from Amazon or Waterstones.
You can access the free audio and video content from my website www.beinspiredby.co.uk/free-videos