Change of heart

We are almost through the major lunar standstill, with the last major southerly rise and set over the next two days, prior to the full moon so not seen as full as it may have been seen in some parts of the UK last month on the full moon itself.

The effects continue anon however and I am seeing increasing changes of heart this year as we near towards the end of this major lunar shift.

Not only am I seeing clients leaving toxic jobs and relationships, I am seeing increasing numbers setting up their own holistic businesses, or at least working increasingly part-time with greater emphasis on the work/life balance and the notion of livelihood.

Some have questioned the relationships and whether they re still aligned, now that many have done work on themselves they have outgrown their partners, or value themselves more than they once did and are no longer willing to put up with low standards and the same old crap.

Many of my students and clients have been doing deep work on themselves and it has been a true privilege to witness the changes they have made to their lives, as they have questioned their negative thinking patterns and belief systems, let alone healed from previous trauma and let go of old wounding.

Maybe it was the push of the impending big birthday, or the hormonal shift that this age brings, or just the tiredness of carrying around misaligned ways of being and thinking, but I have also deep dived with this moon shift and while it has been deeply uncomfortable at times, as the heart has let go over and over again, but it has also been rather en-lightening. I feel lighter. Life feels lighter.

But I’m not alone - the heart has been leading the show, this is the shift in consciousness that the moon has ushered in. We have been asked to look at where we are not loving or loving too much, grasping, where we are holding stubborn unforgiveness and old anger and rage at situations, still not yet processed.

In the process this not only lightened our whole energy field but it allows us to hear more of our heart’s whisperings beyond alll the protection and holding that we had in place. It is this that allows the change of heart, simply because of its healing and because it is ready to create anew for our soul to experience more of itself in this lifetime.

We are bored of old ways, of selling out to be considered ‘empowered women’. Many are done with over extending and trying to be all things, of running on stress and anxiety, of conforming to society’s expectations just because, and of externalising worth through the illusion of success equalling title and wealth. So what!

Many are realising that life is precious and we aren’t here long and there isn’t a rule book and looking outside ourselves to fill inner emptiness is never going to work in the long run.

Others are realising that potential is not about bank balances and the cars we dive, nor the clothes we wear or the objects we own, but about love and freedom and being truly OK with being your true self, of showing up exactly as you are and unapologetically too.

More are finally celebrating their differences, realising that we are not the same and why on earth should we limit ourselves to fit in - why burn ourselves to keep others warm?

We are allowing more potential - nestling closer to our nature, no longer separated.

We are realising that love permeates all of life, you, me, the trees, the birds, the grass, all that is living and alive. This is not Disney love or conditional love, nor unconditional love, but just plain old love that cannot be possessed or grasped, cannot be owned or manipulated, but that flows through all of life and is there, always, waiting…am I loved? Of course. Every moment of every day. The rest is just story.

The universe has always supported us and always will. At some point we learn to let go and lean into it, trust. This is love. And it is love that gifts aliveness and it is aliveness which sets us free. And freedom allows our potential. And from this, all life flows.

It helps if we believe in ourselves and this is where many are resting now, on the cusp of bigger changes as they truly take back their power. This is love too.

The universe always says ‘yes’. “Am I good enough?”. Yes! “Am I useless?”. “Yes!”. We have to be careful the questions we put out there, the beliefs we hold about ourselves that are not true. We can all live our dreams if only we believe, in the love we have for ourself and the love that flows all around us in support of us living those dreams.

“Can I live my dreams?”. “Yes!”.

“Am I love?”. “Yes!”.

A beautiful student shared this brilliant poem, which seems apt somehow for this turning tide. Enjoy the shift that this moon phase is ushering in and the love that comes each time we let go and open to a deeper level of self and the change of heart this brings as we grow;

Love Doesn’t Care Who You Fucking Love
(It just shows up, wrecks you, and leaves truth in its place.)
By Zen Prem

She told me she loved someone else over coffee.
Not a scream. Not a fight.
Just a truth that burned the whole room without raising its voice.

Not the kind of coffee you drink.
The kind you sip like a confession.
The kind that goes cold while your whole life quietly dies on the table between you.

“I didn’t plan it,” she said, eyes down.
“No one ever fucking does,” I wanted to say.
But I didn’t.
Because I knew.
I’d done it before, too.

Love’s a cunt like that.
It shows up wearing someone else’s smile.
It stirs something in you that’s been asleep for years,
and suddenly you’re rewriting your future like your past was a typo.

I used to think love had a moral compass.
Turns out, it just has timing.
And a twisted sense of humour.
She didn’t leave me because she stopped loving me.

She left because she couldn’t keep abandoning herself
just to keep me from feeling abandoned.

And that’s what broke me.
Not that she loved someone else,
but that she finally started loving herself.

I remember when I first met her.
She didn’t enter a room.
She happened to it.
A quiet storm in bare feet.
All presence. No performance.

I chased her like a man starving.
But I didn’t really love her.
Not the way she needed.
I loved the way she made me feel,
Alive. Forgiven. Wanted.

She loved me anyway.
Until she couldn’t.
Until her own soul started knocking louder than my excuses.

People think heartbreak is about being left.
It’s not.
It’s about realising they never belonged to you.
You just borrowed their light for a while.
You just dressed your ache in their name.

She didn’t betray me.
She just became honest.
She outgrew the lie we were both surviving.

The lie that love should be earned through self-sacrifice.
The lie that staying is always noble.
The lie that you owe someone your emptiness
because they once loved your potential.

The man she fell in love with next wasn’t better than me.
He just saw her.
Without needing her to shrink.

He didn’t ask her to be chill, quiet, sexy, low-maintenance,
or any of the other synonyms men use when they mean less.

He held her rage.
Listened to her dreams.
Did the fucking dishes.

And that’s when I discovered  what love actually looks like.
Not fireworks and frantic sex.
But someone who knows how to hold you on your worst day
without making it about them.

I saw them once.
At a restaurant
She wore the scarf I gave her in Paris
She smiled without flinching.

I didn’t say a word.
And neither did she.
But something ended.
And something else forgave.

Here’s what else I learned back then … :
Love doesn’t care who you fucking love.
It doesn’t care about your timing, your titles, or your tears.
It won’t ask permission to arrive.
And it sure as hell won’t apologise when it leaves.

It just shows up,
rips the fucking roof off your life,
and says,
“Build something real this time. Or don’t.
But don’t pretend you didn’t know better.”

I didn’t lose her to another man.
I lost her to the version of me
I wasn’t ready to become.

And that’s the kind of heartbreak
you never come back from.

Only through

Zen Prem

*This poem  is from my upcoming book ‘The Lie About Love’, due for release in October.

Co author of Beyond Bullshit To Bliss with

Samantha Spiro