I'd never heard of a yoni egg until about three months after Eben's arrival in the world.  I was understandably a little ungrounded, as one tends to be after the birth of a baby, especially when said baby arrived six weeks early, and an intuitive healer suggested an obsidian yoni egg might both ground me and strengthen my pelvic floor.

I was familiar with the term 'yoni' as I teach a 'yoni yoga' class - it means place to call home, or vagina. I had certainly been coming home to myself since discovering and working with the term 'yoni' during my (womb based) yoga practice. However I had not until that point come across the concept of essentially placing a crystal egg into my vagina. 

Still I'm open minded and I could imagine the benefit and wondered how it had escaped my attention all those years. I duly commissioned my kind cousin, Yolande, to source  me a good quality obsidian yoni egg, which she duly did, and sent it to me here in Guernsey.

It was a beautiful egg, and I was quite certain of its grounding qualities.  However there was one small problem - it lacked a little hole through which I could tie a piece of thread.  This would mean inserting the yoni egg into my vagina without having anything to pull it out with afterwards (sorry to be so graphic!).

I tentatively gave it a go but had a bit of a minor panic that the thing would get lost up in there. needless to say my mind went into overdrive and within the course of fifteen seconds I had already run through the potential conversation I would have with the nurses here in A&E as I explained to them what I was attempting to do by placing a crystal egg up into my vagina, and no it wasn't some strange sexual thing and yes, I did know it was very silly blah blah blah.

Fortunately I came to my sense and realised that it was very unlikely the yoni egg would get lost up there, simply because it's a rather heavy thing and gravity being gravity would encourage it earthwards in any event.  Still the damage was done, and I quickly removed the egg and it has sat (clean) on my altar ever since!

A couple of months later I became increasingly aware that my pelvic floor was not what it had once been. I may practice yoga daily and work with my bandhas, but nonetheless an unexpected sneeze or a quick run to/from the car would potentially cause a tiny leakage (quite common by the way once you've had a baby).  This was not good!  So my sister in law suggested to me a yoni egg and with that I set about looking for one.

However I just never came across one despite looking in Glastonbury on two separate visits and in crystal shops in Brighton too.  Then over Christmas I read Dr Christiane Northrup's new book, Making Life Easy, and in here she talks about the benefit of using a yoni egg to assist with pelvic flooring healing and I took it as a sign that I needed to do something about sourcing one.

Usually i don't like to buy significant crystal stuff from Amazon as I prefer to get a feel for it first, but I there caution to the wind and decided that whatever one came to me was the right one for me.  From what little I had read on the yoni eggs, I had an awareness that they are often made from jade or obsidian, but neither of these resonated with me, I wanted rose quartz.

So I placed an order and a week or so later my three rose quartz yoni eggs arrived in a beautiful box and so my journey with yoni eggs good and proper began.

It's really important to cleanse crystals and remove any of the energies which they have absorbed on their journey to you. So I soaked them in salts (epsom as it happens) before leaving them out on the window sill in the light of the moon and the sun.   And then i got going and haven't looked back since!

I'm certainly no expert on yoni eggs but from what I gather, there are different sizes depending on whether you've had children previously and the state of the pelvic and vaginal muscles. It's really fascinating, because I've never really given too much thought to my vaginal muscles, especially as I had caesarean sections with both my boys.

I also had no idea of their healing potential.  I honestly just thought I was using them to strengthen my pelvic floor muscles, I had no idea the they would help me to heal past sexual trauma.  This was a huge revelation to me and the reason that I felt drawn to write this blog post.

Sexual trauma is not often talked about.  Even in healing sessions, while an intuitive healer may have some awareness, it's just not somewhere you necessarily raise with your client very easily. And certainly it's not something that tends to be discussed openly - often it's not even discussed between good friends, because the shame and pain can be all consuming and difficult to voice out loud.

If I'm honest I thought I'd dealt with it.  I've done a lot of inner healing work over the years and a lot of forgiveness, so it came as a surprise when I had a couple of flashbacks, which brought it all flooding back. I felt desperately edgy - angry, frustrated, sad and shameful all in one go - and I didn't know what to do with myself other than run away from the feeling, it was desperately uncomfortable.

But I've grown more curious over the years, to delve deeper to try to find the root of whatever i'm feeling. What really was coming up for me?  Well I was incredibly surprised to find that while I may have done lots of forgiveness work, I hadn't actually forgiven myself, not properly -  I hadn't forgiven myself for the choices I had made, the decisions I had taken, the thoughts I had allowed myself to think, that led me to that moment.

"Ah ha", it was like a light switch being turned on, all of a sudden I could see so clearly how much I have been beating myself up over the years, and the manner in which my life she been shaped by that experience ever since. It was almost a relief. Of course. I needed to make peace with myself properly.

Grace intervened after then, as if the awareness had allowed light to flood in.  There is a timing to everything. My sacrum went out of alignment, as it always does when my body's re-setting after an energy shift, from the pelvis and root too, funnily enough.  This all coincided with a reflexology treatment where the theme was self-love and a massage/Reiki session, where I felt my pelvis actually moving as Reiki was channelled onto my feet.  I love Reiki!

I awoke the next day and felt so much lighter than I've felt for a long time - and there I'd been praying for lightness in my life. And here now, the body lighter, like a weight has been lifted, as if it's all OK now, no need to go over it again, no need to analyse any more, to play the victim role, to feel anything but, well indifference actually, and also compassion for the person I was then, who was doing the best she could with what limited wisdom she had available to her, we're not perfect. 

And it wasn't until the day after then that I realised that this had all happened after bringing yoni eggs into my life and rose quartz into my vagina. Rose Quartz is the stone of universal love. It is said to restore trust and harmony in relationships, encouraging unconditional love. It also purifies and opens the heart at all levels to promote love, self-love, friendship, deep inner healing and feelings of peace - it's amazing!

I googled, "yoni eggs and sexual trauma" and was amazed to see that there is a recognised link between the two.  How come no one has ever told me this?  Well probably for the same reason that you too may not realise the connection.  No one talks about sexual trauma and no one talks about yoni eggs!

Sometimes I'm just completely blown away by the mysteries of the Universe and how things unfold. I'm incredibly grateful.

Perhaps if you've just stumbled across this posting, it might be a sign that you too may benefit from investing in a yoni egg.  There's lots of stuff on the internet about them, they're incredible, we ladies should all be using them!

Love for the yoni!