Urghh. I was thinking that we were getting there last night, only 2 wake up calls before 5am, only that the 5am feed was actually a 5am wake up call. Arghhh. Admittedly I saw the sun rising, but I didn't really appreciate it as I was just feeling so tired and was slightly aggrieved that Elijah wouldn't continue sleeping...topped off by the fact he now has teeth and drew blood while feeding and biting me, ouch!!
I am aware that it is all a matter of perspective and of course expectation, but I must admit that I am really in need of a good night's sleep! I don't believe Elijah has slept for more than 4 hours in any stretch and that does kind of get to you after 8 months, especially when you know that other babies sleep through. Apparently I rarely slept as a baby so I guess it is in the blood!!
I am fortunate though as I have a lot of support, which other ladies do not have so I cannot complain too much. Plus I have my practice, which offers some much needed time out from the often chaotic world of mother hood with all its different demands. I was particularly fortunate to attend Star's restorative class yesterday, which was just wonderful, exactly what I needed, it left me feeling calm and restored throughout the day, until I went swimming actually, which was a little too demanding for me yesterday.
It is a balance though isn't it, between movement and exercise to make you feel good, all those endorphins releasing into your system, and not moving at all and restoring in the process. Essentially we come back to the fact that we really must check in and listen to our bodies and what the body needs in that moment and in that stage of life, for example what I need now is probably very different from what I needed when I was without child, and to what I will need when Elijah sleeps through the night (what a miracle that will be!!).
Star and I have been discussing the demands placed on us women these days as we continue to (and are expected to) fulfil the role as primary child carer, undertaking the majority of domestic chores and working too. While I am eternally grateful to the women who have strived to create equality for us, I am not convinced that feminism has done us any favours, it has encouraged this "can do all", overly strong masculine energy that has left us feeling fragmented and disconnected from our inherent feminine nature.
Fortunately things are changing although I feel it may take some time. I know I can't manage it all, try as I might. And I know that I am not alone. But again I am one of the fortunate ones, I do not work full time, so I have the freedom to take time in nature, to dance with the moon, and to indulge in my need to swim in the sea daily! Plus I enjoy the work I do, although I am not really sure I classify teaching yoga as work, it is joy, a necessity, I would be lost if I wasn't able to share and give in this way.
And I am also very lucky to spend time with my lovely group of spiritual women, so that we can chatter and nurture our feminine energy, to remind ourselves who we really are, when we are not having to fulfil all the many roles that are expected of us these days. Perhaps it is no different to how it has always been. It just feels that life is that bit faster.
In any event, restorative yoga certainly has a special and powerful role to play in helping us to nurture and reconnect, to restore and enliven, and to just surrender into the stillness of the moment. If only I could have carried that through to 5am today, perhaps that should be my mantra for the week - "surrender into the moment" and see if that changes my experience of the 5am wake up call!!
Still, the sun is shining, the tide is high, my brother, sister-in-law and niece are visiting from Australia, Elijah and I have baby yoga this morning and I am teaching tonight, surely life doesn't get much better. The 5am start just means I can fit more into my day!!!!
With much gratitude.