I am now almost 20 weeks pregnant, which means I am half way through the pregnancy. Wow, how time does indeed fly, before we know it we will have the bean here in our arms, all rather exciting, we can't wait to introduce him/her to this wonderful world in which we live.
My stomach is having quite a hard time dealing with its expansion as bean continues to grow inside. I guess that is the trouble with having practiced so much Yoga these last 10 years, the muscles are strong and have a hard time expanding! Still it could be worse and the upside is I get a baby at the end of all this. It still blows my mind to think that there is a little being growing inside me and now I can feel him/her moving it makes it all that more real.
All sickness has now passed and I have forgotten already how awful it felt - amazing how we adapt. I can also wear crystals again now, which is interesting how the energy has shifted over the last few months. Treatments however still throw me and I guess bean is happy with our own energy field, which is fine by me.
I would love to say I am sleeping soundly and making the most of the opportunity but as anyone who has been pregnant will know, half of the night is spent going backwards and forwards to the toilet, how is it possible to have consumed so much fluid?!! Still I guess it does prepare you. Energy levels are a little challenged with all the teaching and working, but this will ease as we move towards the summer holidays when I intend to make the most of the summer, which I am hoping is on its way!
It was my birthday on Sunday and sadly while the sun did not shine, we did manage to make it to Herm and enjoyed a picnic on Shell beach. I just love Herm, it is so healing and peaceful over there, you can't help but switch off from the rest of the world. We are hoping to camp over there a few times over the summer, nothing quite like waking up on Moss field with those views towards Alderney and the north of Guernsey. It is times like this when I am particularly grateful to live on such a beautiful Island.
Needless to say I was spoilt rotten and all of a sudden the living room I had envisaged for months took shape in the course of a weekend with the arrival of a new book case - I can't believe how excited we were to be able to finally put all out books in a book shelf again - a massive porcelain pot courtesy of my generous parents for the indoor tree I have grown since I was 21, and the most beautiful Buddha I have ever seen, kindly gifted to me by my beloved. Even though I know it is true, "The Secret" and the whole concept of vision boards and creating what your heart desires and indeed feels, it still blows my mind when it happens, it is like thing shifts and the rest slots into place and there we are, your wish granted, thank you wonderful Universe.
Still there are times when it is easy to forget that the Universe and the angels are working away in the background helping to manifest your dreams, because it is all a matter of timing and faith, and getting your self out of the way so that you let the change take place. Often, and I am very good at this, we cling on for fear of losing what we have, when really we don't have actually have anything, and often what comes next, is far more in tune with the self, than our current circumstances. This is what people mean by blessings in disguise, even if we do not realise it until much later in life.
Of course life is full of blessings, if only we have the time to notice them. I have noticed recently that my own life has been a bit too busy, out of balance, too many thoughts, too much rushing. It is not healthy because it is almost as if you miss life, it happens when you are busy planning for the future without making the most of what is here right in front of you. The key is to catch yourself. Usually the body makes you realise that all is not well, aches and pains and tensions, body-mind-spirit no longer unified in whole. Time to slow down, take stock, let go of that which is not working and create space for being, in hat moment, with the flowers and the trees and the bumble bees.
I never cease to be amazed by the complexity of our mind, the way it works, the way it tries to control everything, ourselves, our lives, how it beats us up, puts us down, makes us think that we are not good enough, that we must do this or do that, have this treatment, that treatment, do this diet, that diet, rather than just realising that we are already quite enough, perfect in fact, and that incessant thinking and planning and controlling actually works against all that to keep us trapped in the prison of the mind. What will be will be. Everything comes to pass. Make peace with yourself, accept yourself, love yourself, for we are all children of God.
This is the reason Yoga is so invaluable, the positive effect it has on the mind, so too of course meditation and Yoga Nidra, how they help the thinking to ease so that we are not so imprisoned by our thoughts, there is more freedom and we are much more accepting of ourselves. I read entries on facebook from people updating others on this diet or that diet, on this new fitness regime or that one, and I can't help wondering how people don't realise that there is no quick fix, and really do they need to fix themselves in any event. What is wrong with how they are in that moment. And changing a diet and adopting a new fitness regime will not change the underlying issue, which is generally a lack of love for the self.
Yoga is a life long process. Change does not necessarily happen over night. Yoga requires commitment and practice. You can't just talk about it, you have to get on your mat and sit still in meditation, breathe consciously and/or move your body into positions that affect the way you feel, that change the grooves in your mind and release those emotions trapped in the physical body, that connects you once again to that soul, that whispering voice deep inside, that help you come to face to face with the self, warts and all. It is often at this point that people stop attending class, better to put the head back down in the sand and go to sleep again, sometimes facing ourselves is not easy, but it can make us feel so much more alive. Liberate the soul, make peace with the self, find time for the self, shine brightly, how wonderful the world would be if we all did that.
There is this lovely poem by Danna Faulds called "I am already", which reads like this:
One flow of
Energy and breath
Connects the full
Depth and breadth]Of consciousness.
There is nowhere to
Go but here, no time
But now, no why or
How or maybe...just
This knowing, simple
And complete, that I
Am already what I
Thought I had to seek.
And this beautiful quote by anonymous, "All you need for doing Yoga is your body the way it is and your mind to say: "You're fine. There's nothing that needs fixing before you can begin".
So with that in mind I am off to enjoy a morning practice with Buddha, and shall embrace each moment, even when it rains! On the positive side I hear good summer weather is indeed on its way - hoorah!
With much gratitude, love and light