Seven year cycles.
I thought I was beginning to feel better until I realised I have been in denial...how clever we are at deceiving ourselves...I have not been resting, more so allowing the pendulum to swing uncontrollably in the opposite direction and allowing the mind to maintain its control despite the longings of the body to literally do nothing.
It never ceases to amaze me how strong the mind in controlling us and how powerful it can be in creating such ups and downs. The down arrived this week, uncontrollable and without warning reminding me of a poem I wrote many years ago when this first happened:-
There are cracks in my mind.
I can feel them. Like paving slabs,
Drifting slowly apart.
My hopes and dreams slide down these cracks,
In a steady stream,
Like water flowing over a
A waterfall in my head perhaps.
But there is no rainbow,
No sun and no place to call home.
And the only water (if there is any)
Tends to run endlessly down my cheeks.
I call it my pit of despair,
“The darkness has come again”.
It is a funny world, in my mind.
I hate it when the cracks appear.
So there have been uncontrollable tears, especially on my mat, the Yoga helps to bring it out, perhaps a healing, who knows, and mad dreams, a touch of anxiety and lots of worry about an unknown future and what lays ahead...
But this happens for a reason and being honest and upfront about it has helped, I am only human after all. Strangely this is what got me into Yoga and the holistic healing world seven years ago when it first happened and I needed to figure a way to heal myself that did not involve anti-depressants.
So time to control the mind and allow the body to rest, to go with the flow and stop fighting an illness. often these things are hidden blessings. Let us see.
We are off to the Secret Garden party tomorrow in Cambridge shire. This should be fun, a large holistic field with Yoga and lots of treatments on offer. I am both excited and apprehensive, there is fancy dress and a request that we leave out left brain at home....thank God for that, the right brain needs to be allowed to come out and play, embrace the creativity and the madness that is my nature.
Enjoy the weekend.