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That was a potent new moon for me and Rebekah Shaman was spot on when she said it was all about going with the flow (see her reading here https://mailchi.mp/rebekahshaman.com/newmoondec011218-875949?e=eae0fe6be6).

When I initially read it, a few days before the new moon, I kind of thought, “yer, yer, this whole going with the flow is such a cliché”, but now, a day after the new moon and after a 48 hour healing crisis on the back of a Jo treatment, I totally know it to be true.

 I’ve been resisting a number of things recently and especially Elijah starting school.  We had a traumatic pre-school experience when he was two and half and I’ve been fretting about school ever since. In fairness that experience was a lesson in itself, in not istening to anyone else about what to do with your child – while everyone may have told us we should put him in pre-school to socialise him, he wasn’t ready and the pre-school managed the situation badly.  Lesson learned- never listen to anyone else about how best to parent your child.

So I’ve been resisting school, and the change that this brings.  Admittedly I do have my concerns about the school “system” but that is beyond the scope of this blog.  More so the point here is that in worrying about school, I was getting myself rather worked up and focusing on the negatives rather than trying to see any positives (beyond the fact I know the head teacher, deputy head and head of reception very well, what a gift!).

It didn’t help – although of course it did – that the new moon energy was ramping up the energy of not knowing and of going with the flow regardless – lesson is of course to trust. I became very aware of the uncomfortable nature of not knowing, of being in doubt, of sitting with ambiguity.  It’s horrible!  Much more comfortable to have certainty, to plan and to know.   

In my role as a company secretary, I do a lot of planning, often years ahead to know when meetings will be held.  In yoga too, I’m often planning retreats years in advance, plus workshops and even classes. This doesn’t leave a lot of room for going with the flow, or just doing what you feel in the moment. It also means that you get used to things being fairly certain (as much as anything is ever certain). 

So sitting with uncertainty is tricky. Well at least it is if you want things to be black and white. But life is never ever black and white. There is always grey. So being with the grey can be challenging.  It involves trusting. Trusting that everything will unfold in the way that it is meant to.  That if something doesn’t feel right, and yet doesn’t feel wrong, that you just need to stay with it, be patient, and wait until you have a feeling/clarity about what is right, Then you ‘know’ and then you can act without doubt or questioning, however crazy your decision might be to someone else) I can certainly relate to this!).

I struggled my way through the new moon with my fixed mind thinking it knew what needed to happen to provide certainty, but without truly knowing, so I ended up feeling pretty anxious about that (anxiety was definitely in the field) and being pretty challenged by this going with the flow thing. This was not helped by a healing crisis and old energy coming up, cue monetary depression, not me, I wasn’t depressed but just fighting inside myself, between what I thought and reality and the sense of hopelessness that comes with this, the “I can’t be bothered” attitude and just when you feel deserted by all your friends (as they too go through their own moon thing!).

So we always come through the other side, the light always follows the brief darkness, as if you need to see one to recognise the other. Elijah enjoyed his first day at school (long may it last), the school drop off and pick up wasn’t so bad, the sun shone, Eben and I got onto the cliffs, life carried on, the sea manged a super low tide and a super high tide, it did it’s thing, went with the flow.  Amazing! Imagine if the sea resisted its flow, what a mess that would be!

I had to laugh though because here I was exhausting all this energy questioning the flow of things, and there was E just living each day as if it is his first and last. It’s annoying he has the ability to do this without a second of mediation or yoga or inner searching.  Just compartmentalising and being present. Still, all our souls are on different journeys…always learning something…just got to trust in it.

So we’re off to Glastonbury this weekend, I’m not planning, honest, just going to go with the flow and see where that amazing Glastonbury energy takes me! Hoorah for going with the flow…and sitting with ambiguity!

 

x

 

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