As we approach the end of 2017 I have been reflecting on the year and all that's been done. It's certainly been a year of doing.
My intention for 2017 was to be in service, just I didn't know when to stop, so I've worked a lot. I've written a manuscript and edited another one. I've attuned 24 students to Reiki Level One and 21 students to Reiki Level Two. I've run two yoga & wellbeing retreats in Herm, one in Glastonbury and another in Goa. I travelled to Glastonbury an additional three times on pilgrimage, the White Spring and Chalice Wells calling me!
We've been to Brighton a few times where I've nourished my soul with yoga training at the Brighton Buddhist centre and in those delightful crystals shops. We went to London twice once to finally attend a training course with the inspiring Uma Dinsmore-Tuli and another to catch up with Uni friends for the first time together in 14 years!.
We managed Sark twice, once with friends and another for the Sark Folk Festival where I taught a few classes and celebrated my birthday with some fab music and wine. We went to Herm too many times to remember (but one can never go there too many times either!) and of course India, we saw the Taj Mahal and boldly (or madly) took the children on the train. We also managed two trips to France on holiday though!
I set myself up as a self-employed company secretary so I work solely for myself now, something I've wanted to do since 2016 but it took a while for all the stars to align. I also got myself involved in writing scripts for a new start-up visualisation App in the US so I can help to spread the benefits of visualisation far and wide. Oh I started learning Vedic chanting and I've recorded quite a few free yoga classes too. All this while starting the year with a 3 year old and a 2.5 month year old.
Was I mad?
What was I thinking?
It's perhaps no surprise that I've struggled through depletion for much of the year, a combination of post-natal depletion, breast-feeding depletion, sleep-deprivation depletion and also the depletion that accompanies doing too much, never knowing when to stop, and burning the candle at both ends.
That's not to say that it hasn't been joyous. There have been moments full of joy and light and love, and I thoroughly enjoyed all that I've done. But there have also been moments of despair, of being too tired and exhausted and knowing that I wasn't being the best version of myself.
I justify it by saying that I'm driven, but I know that that is just the ego talking. The ego wanting to do and achieve more. Fully aligned with the higher self, there is greater flow, less effort involved and I've become increasingly curious to live more like this.
When I went deaf in my right ear for five whole weeks following our return from India, I knew that now, finally, I needed to listen!
It's time to slow down. I'm loathed to use the phrase "doing less and being more", because its such a cliche and because there have been many moments of being within the doing. But I wonder if there's some sense in this - do less, be more, allow greater space for grace and the light to enter in.
I know I'm not alone. Many of us are waking up to recognise, finally, that we are trying to do too much. The signs are there. The moon is shining a light on things. We need to get out of our own way. Develop greater trust. See there's the lesson, for there's always a lesson and this is the lesson I've been learning during 2017. Trust.
So I'm taking that lesson learned (I hope, well to a degree anyway!) with me into 2018 and shall have the intention of greater stillness and harmony, balance then, and of wellness, true wellness and of family and the home.
I'm sure it won't be easy, it never is when one's committed to spiritual growth and being in service, but a necessity. It's easy to do and give, not so easy to be and to receive. Often the samskaras (the conditioning) run deep!
Still I'm grateful for my spiritual practice, which has kept me in good stead and enabled me in many respects to keep going as I have, through the dark night's of the soul and into those states of utter blissfulness where all is certainly well. It's given me an enormous amount of energy and get up and go, and inspiration and creativity and love.
I'm also grateful for the love and support of my family, of Ewan, Elijah and Eben for all the joy they bring and for following Mummy to yet another stone circle or whatever it may be, and to my Mum, Dad and brother who support all I do unwaveringly (and for setting up our Despres stone circle) and to all my lovely friends and students and to Steph for all her help, patience and amazingness, and to this beautiful Island of Guernsey.
So a very happy new year to each and every one of you and I hope that the current turning of the wheel brings you much joy and lightness of heart and being, and an inspired and loving season ahead.