Wow, it's hard to believe that my youngest, Eben, turned one today. That was some year and some introduction to son number two with him arriving six weeks early, my water's breaking on the super full moon half way through a yoga retreat I was running in Herm...
...a year on and my poor little man was sick on the October Herm retreat, which brought with it its challenges. I was a little bit sick too, a combination of pre-school bugs, sleep deprivation and Reiki healing.
All in all this set things up for a fairly rocky road this last week with the new moon energy building and definitely encouraging a huge letting go, bringing us to our knees...or in my case onto my back on the road at Petit Bot, in despair, tears flowing, feeling deserted by my guardian angels and all the strength and support of the Universe. My lying on my back was me trying to ground. And because I was just too tired to keep going a moment longer.
I thought I'd got it out my system but back at home, and preparing for the first birthday party I had a message to call the bank. There followed a frustrating 40 minute experience, which found me crying, yes crying, on the phone to the second person I spoke to when I failed the security test and he told me I'd need to phone back. "but do you not realise I have a birthday cake to make and a party to run in 20 minutes", I sobbed in despair. "Madam, I'm very sorry but you will need to telephone again, you've failed security".
So I telephoned again, trying to compose myself and lo and behold it turns out I was talking to the business people and needed to be speaking to the personal client people, so it's not surprising I failed the test, and so more waiting, me in tears, my Mum arrived and gave me a much needed hug, stress levels going into overdrive and finally I spoke to the fourth person and issue resolved.
So suffice it to say that today I conclude that this this motherhood malarkey is exhausting. It's not just the sleep deprivation but the endless concern and, hmmm, dare I say worry. Yes I know I know, I'm a Reiki teacher and practitioner and one of the Reiki principles is "for today, do not worry", because as we all know worrying just wastes energy and changes nothing...other than your stress levels and facial lines. But it's difficult not to worry sometimes.
This week Elijah's been testing because Eben's been ill with an ear infection was it happens. So this meant he had to have antibiotics, which go against everything I stand up against...I've spent a year trying to heal his gut from the antibiotics he was prescribed at birth and now here a year on, another dose, and all because we're flying tomorrow and we couldn't risk the infection getting worse. As it was he was hitting his head and rubbing his ears and vomiting with the coughing.
Then because Eben's been poorly and clinging to my waist or my breasts, well suckling from my breasts, but you know what I mean, Elijah's been even more challenging than usual because he wants attention. He also loathes preschool, or at least he loathes the idea of it so that's got me thinking...and pondering...because another thing I'm passionate about is education, and not education like we currently know it, at least not here in the UK.
And then of course the packing for India. Okay the list could go on. I feel much calmer now. Birthday party went well, cake was eaten, a walk in nature, children fed and bathed and into bed, a lovely relaxing lavender bath and then a quiet and gentle yoga practice in silence, with the patchouli oil burning and the calming sodalite bracelet on my wrist. It's good to be reminded of our humanness sometimes...there's another day tomorrow and let's face it, "all is well". x