Healing those wings
"The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” - Rumi
Do you ever get one of those days where you wake up, its raining and you just know 'it is going to be one of those days'?!
Well I had one of those days recently. Rain in August, a small child who woke me 3 times during the night and wanted to bounce on me at 6.32am and a partner who was feeling quite under the weather.
I felt like I was treading through treacle to get ready for work, progress was tough and when I did finally manage to get to town I could not find anywhere to park my car. I was getting incredibly frustrated and irritated and was questioning the merits of not only working from home, but living somewhere where the summer sun actually shone on a consistent basis.
And then when I did finally find a space and get myself to my desk, I was confronted with what can only be described as the most infuriating email requests that made me question exactly what I was doing with my life, oh whoa me, how we can be so drawn down by a single event.
It was a busy few hours and I completely forgot I needed to move my car and I just knew I was going to get a parking ticket. And there it was, my intuition was still working at least but I was now seething with irritation and no amount of rationalising would ease the discomfort I felt.
On an ordinary day I may well have laughed it off. More fool me for not moving my car, cause and effect...
In any event I was also late leaving work and in a rush to collect my son and I almost laughed but felt so irritated that the laughter would not come as I found myself caught behind a top loader crane, which was driving at 20 miles an hour. I was actually so wrapped up in my 'whoa is me mentality' that I started to question what the Universe was playing at as I became more and more beside myself with frustration and anger and the tears were truly flowing by then (and I could not have cared less who saw me, I wanted someone to help me!).
Focusing in my breath was just not going to crack it as I was too caught up in the energy of destruction, it felt like the world was truly against me and I was actually revelling in it. It was an "I hate life" moment.
And yet deep down I knew that a healing was taking place. I have been here before and I knew it was on its way. I had been drawn to wear rose quartz and amethyst the last few days and I was craving space and time out and salted water on my skin. Plus my dreams were very obscure.
Kali (the Hindu Goddess who removes the ego and liberates the soul from the cycle of birth and death) and Shiva (the Hind God who is responsible for change both I both the for of death and destruction and in the positive sense of destroying the ego), in all their glory, were dancing on my back again.
How the ego clings on. How Kali and Shiva laugh.
Everything has to be destroyed to be created again, and in terms of a healing, well you need to let go of all that stuff (the false ego at some point or another, some wounded sense of self) that has been causing an energy block in your energetic body so that the physical (and mental, emotional and spiritual) body can heal...so that you can fly lighter, not being dragged down by that old negative weight and ways of being which no longer add value to the life you are living.
Dead weights hanging around, weighing you down.
I have been seeing this incredibly intuitive energy healing osteopath for spinal realignment and she had warned me that a healing would come. It was later than she had anticipated, but it was here nonetheless. The tears came and went, so that at times they were rolling down my face.
The anger, irritation and frustration was all consuming and a challenge to sit with. But deep down I knew they were not me, this was not me, just something passing through. But oh my gosh what a destructive energy these old emotions hold, caught in my left hip all these years. That forgiveness stuff is powerful work, but you wouldn't want to be doing it every day!
The rest of the day was not much better as the Universe triggered me on each turn of the corner. More traffic irritation and a lady who pulled in front of me at the petrol pumps just as I was about to leave so that I felt so wronged because I needed to get home to feed my son and now here I was sitting waiting for an extra 7 minutes (a whole 7 minutes) as she worked her way through the long queue. Sigh.
See, I had started to buy in to the stories. To blame these people, when really Divine Order was at play (and I knew this really)...this happens because that happens, and this needs to happen for that to happen. We all have our stories, we all like to blame someone else for our discomfort, but really it is OUR discomfort, OUR reaction to an event.
On an ordinary day it would not have bothered me in the slightest, I could have used the time productively opposed to sitting there seething and crying and getting myself in a state. But let's face it this would NOT happen on an ordinary day, because I wouldn't need the triggering.
And the funny thing is, because I was feeling so miserable and challenged and down on life, it seemed that everyone else was the same, mirrors, we are all such mirror, law of attraction, what you put out comes back!! There were opportunities for learning everywhere. And I knew it really, I knew at times that I should have laughed, I knew it was all a process, even if I did feel that the angels has taken a day off!
I actually ended up running it out that early evening, which felt good to process, vent and sweat it through, get out of the head and into the body and amazingly the pain in my hip had disappeared. I was gentle with myself the rest of the evening and allowed the tears to come and the self pity and all the residue that I didn't need to understand, I just needed to let go. Tears are so cleansing for the soul.
It goes without saying that after a night's sleep (I would love to say a good night's sleep but my son wakes me 3 times every night at the moment ("this too shall pass, this too shall pass"!)) I felt so very much better, I have more energy, I feel clearer, lighter, brighter and more positive. Phew, I survived a healing...and a test in faith, tears really are healing, pain needs to be released so that we can fly again.
It really is a process. And if you find yourself there, perhaps after a yoga class or a holistic session, then try to see it for what it is. You have to feel it for it to pass through. Healing is no easy journey, the pain needs expression, some way of letting go. Up it comes, hot and red and furious and angry and sad and bitter and frustrated and all those emotions we keep trapped inside that cause further pain at some point in our lives - dis ease. Ill at ease. Illness.
So we let it out. As my yoga teacher, Emil, once told me when it felt the tears would never stop a few years into my yoga journey, "but tears are good Em, invite them in". They are angels dancing on our face, healing our wounds and enlightening our heart and soul in their innocence.
I will finish by sharing an extract by C JoyBell C, which I adore:
Pain is a pesky part of being human, I've learned it feels like a stab wound to the heart, something I wish we could all do without, in our lives here. Pain is a sudden hurt that can't be escaped. But then I have also learned that because of pain, I can feel the beauty, tenderness, and freedom of healing. Pain feels like a fast stab wound to the heart. But then healing feels like the wind against your face when you are spreading your wings and flying through the air! We may not have wings growing out of our backs, but healing is the closest thing that will give us that wind against our faces.”
With gratitude to the Universe, the angels and the process of healing.