What a full moon - we really are supported by the Universe, even if it doesn't feel like in the midst of life's challenges.
Only a few weeks ago I realised that it had taken me a whole 8 months or so to fit into my new role as a mother, and another few weeks on top of that to realise that of all the people in the world, my little boy and his Dad should be the ones I serve the most.
I knew something was going on, because I have noticed over the years that I have been working on myself, that before every new realisation comes the breakdown of the old and with that a dying of the part of the ego that holds on so tightly. It is hard work at the time though, because you are right in the middle of it and cannot see the wood for the trees and have no idea what is happening, only that something isn't quite right and there are lots of tears.
And then something comes to mind and then there are signs everywhere - in my case last week, an article in a magazine that my Mum handed to me, the words of wisdom of a yoga teacher at a class at Indaba Yoga in London, a studio I have not visited and a teacher I have not met previously, the chapter of a book I have been reading and the arrival of a wonderful Jivamukti DVD (with transformative in the title, funny that!). Funny too how these things come together at once - it is true that the angels leave signs all over the place, you just have to notice them (and I probably missed a few!).
So I have now come through the other side, so that there is clarity about the niggling sense that something was afoot and with that a change, that seems rather natural now (and yet how I have fought it that last few months, despite praying for it!). You see this is the problem - us, we are the problem, sometimes we don't know when to get out of our own way. So desperate are we to control a situation or try and create an outcome that we don't allow grace to enter...the Universe works in much more fluid and magical ways that we can ever imagine (and that really is the problem, we think too much!).
We loved London last weekend. It was my parents' treat, and for Mum and I especially as we got to go and watch the Mariinsky Ballet's rendition of Swan Lake at the Royal Opera House in Covent Garden. Wow. Such a joy to witness such grace in action, and such poise and strength and stability and balance and patience. I am in awe if these ballerinas. Incredible.
We did some other cool stuff, we walked from Regent's Park along the Canal to Little Venice and then took the boat back along the canal to Camden. I have visited Camden a ton of times but this was my Mum's first visit and as a shopper she showed me a whole new side to this wonderful place, wow, it really is a shopper's heaven (it made me into a shopper, albeit for 40 minutes!).
I managed a Yoga class at Indaba Yoga studio in Marylebone, a first for me in both studio and location, and indeed teacher, Erik, a Jivamukt teacher. I just LOVE Jivamukti and Erik is wonderful, such great adjustments and practice, so that I was present in my body and in the moment, it is true that the body offers a gateway to the soul, I floated out and enjoyed a much needed lunch with the family in the wonderful le Pain Quotidien in Marylebone (this chain of eatery is wonderful, just love the green juice and the goat's cheese salad, let alone the chocolate brownie!!).
We walked a ton too, I just love this about London, that you get to walk so much and see so much in the process. And one of the highlights was spotting my first Banksy (Ewan LOVES Banksy) before Ewan, in its original state, just literally opposite our lovely hotel in the City, just amazing, Ewan was fairly happy too!!!
Back here in Guernsey life has been action packed, as the realisation tried to break through, we managed Elijah's 8th trip to Herm since he was born, with my friend Jo who was visiting from the UK. I lived with Jo at Uni for 3 years and while I have not seen her for about 4 years it felt like only yesterday - true what they say that friends come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime! Strangely one of our other Uni housemates gave birth to her first child while Jo was visiting - congrats to KTQ and Sim on the birth of Roan Finn.
We have swam in the sea a lot too. It is so warm, just amazing, so good for the soul. We have walked on the cliffs as well - nothing like spending time in nature to process whatever is going on in your life - those cliffs work it out of you! We went for swim down at Divette with Jo, a first with me, so too a swim at Albecq this evening,. What a blessed life living in such a beautiful place like Guernsey, I am eternally grateful.
And now, well the realisations find me working with Elijah and Ewan to finally attempt to establish a routine, something I have been fighting from day one, and yet now find myself very much enjoying, so grounding, I hadn't realised. The added bonus that Elijah sleeps better, what a revelation. See, should have gotten out of my own way. It is all very well praying for change, trouble is you have to change to allow the change to happen - it comes back to that fabulous quote, "if you have always done what you always do then you will always get what you always got". Ha, of course!!
So on that note I am off to bed and taking a much needed two weeks off to spend time with the family, to practice Jivamukti yoga and to allow the dust to settle - oh and to get in the sea and down the beach as much as possible!
Much love, gratitude and light