Elijah was off colour yesterday, I suspected he was teething but you can never be too sure, especially as he was super tired, super agitated and warm to the touch. As soon as Mum saw him after lunch she insisted I take him to the doctor.
After booking the appointment, I had to leave Elijah with my Mum to go into the office for a meeting. I managed to get myself quite flustered on the drive into town as I ran through worst case scenarios in my mind, meningitis or some other horrible condition...on and on so that I could feel my heart not only racing but also breaking just with the thought of anything happening to Elijah. I could also feel the fear rising as my nervous system became much more alert and I was much more agitated and impatient than usual. Really incredible mind-body reaction...after all it was simply my mind creating these feelings in my body!
The doctor gave him a good once over and concluded that yes, more than likely it is teething, but to continue to monitor him and take him back in if his condition does not change. This is the first time in many, many years I have visited this doctor who also happens to be a homeopath and I was amused to see that she had a print-out of my favourite Rumi poem attached to the filing cabinet. I am very fond of homeopathy, it really is wonderful and I was happy to receive a prescription for some homeopathic remedy which helps to alleviate the negative effects of teething.
The only downside to the whole visit was the question of vaccinations raising its ugly head again. As I was told to do, I booked Elijah in for his first jabs at 8 weeks over a month ago now, but something about it sat uneasily with me and I was actually quite delighted when the doctor at that time told me to postpone the appointment due to Elijah suffering with congestion (common in little babies). So I cancelled the appointment and have been waiting for some clarity before doing anything about re-booking.
I guess as it has been on my mind I have attracted people into my life who have provided an opinion. Strangely, when we were in Glastonbury, quite by a chance a lady sitting at a table next to us in a café remarked on Elijah's cuteness and then told us not to vaccinate him as the vaccines are poisonous. I took that as a sign that perhaps I was best to leave well alone. Since then I have come across a few mothers who never vaccinated their children and the children are now teenagers and have never had any problems.
But of course the doctor, while understanding of my predicament, did suggest that one should vaccinate because the alternative of your baby or child ending up with some preventable disease that could hospitalise them is not worth thinking about. And again the fear crept in, not helped because Elijah was ill, and the thought that if he did get seriously sick or even die from a preventable disease simply because of my reticence to vaccinate him, then how would I live with myself? So I booked an appointment in a few weeks time, giving me more time to reflect.
In any event as Elijah was still under the weather later that evening and on the recommendation of the doctor, we gave him some calpol. Now I have heard most parents talking about the wonders of calpol and I was intending to give it a wide berth but needs must and when your child is ill, you will do what you can to ease their pain. And my gosh, within what felt like 2 minutes of giving it to him he was all of a sudden wide awake and back to his old self again. I could not believe the turnaround and so quickly too. Wow!!
So it has been quite an experience this last 24 hours, a range of emotions in such quick succession and everything turning out ok in the end. I am reminded how easy it is for fear to kick in, and how much our decision making is determined by the "what if?" scenario. Mind you it is all very well having faith, but quite another to be blasé. We will see, it does all become clear in time, especially if you put it out there and just let it come...patience, patience, patience.
Here is that beautiful Rumi poem:
The Guest House
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
-- Jelaluddin Rumi,
translation by Coleman Barks
With many positive thoughts to those affected by the floods and with much gratitude for everything...